What You Think of Me is None of My Business

I can't believe how therapeutic writing that last blog post was. Normally Mother's Day is the worst, but this year, I was able to cry. I was able to feel my feelings and then move on and have a pleasant day. Now if I'm being honest, it wasn't the best day ever, but I was able to move on and not dwell on being childless.

Now what? What if I want to blog again but I don't know how? What if it isn't good enough? What if I am a one hit wonder? What if. . .

I guess we'll find out together.

The last time I blogged, I didn't have to think, it just happened. I was sitting thinking about Mother's Day and the idea of blogging popped into my head. No way was I going to blog. I hadn't in years! I ignored the thought and watched an episode on Netflix, but I didn't hear a word of it. I was stuck in my own head and the only way to get out was to write. Why not share then. Right?

Wrong.

What if no one likes it? What if someone thinks I shared too much? What if. . .

Clearly I decided to share anyways.

Now my mind keeps racing. What do I share next? What, in my head, is worth sharing? Everything? Nothing? I have no idea but here goes nothing.

WHAT YOU THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS (This will most likely be the first of many posts about this book so if you're a little confused by my post, that's okay. It will make sense eventually. I think. . .)

For whatever reason my mind always goes to the worst case scenario. So many "what ifs" going on in my head. With everything that goes on in there, I could be so self-conscious I would never speak again. But why? Aren't I good enough?

Actually I am. I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I wish that I could say that those "what ifs" have disappeared, but that isn't reality. I recently came to the concision that I am good enough, but things aren't rainbows and unicorns now. When you believe something for long enough it becomes your reality. So how do I get out? One month at a time? One day at a time? Maybe one hour at a time? NO. One thought at a time.

The truth is "that you have made decisions about yourself, others, and life that were once conscious decisions but have become unconscious ones and yet continue to direct your decisions and to determine the quality of your life". Yeah, you might have to read that again to catch what it's saying. I am going to have to read the book multiple times if I want to really understand it all.

I created a reality that I don't like! Why did I do it? Why did I rely so heavily on what other people thought of me? I don't know, but it stops now. Okay fine, it doesn't stop, but it's slowing down. I still fight those "what if" thoughts every day but it's getting easier.

"What ifs" are dumb. At first I thought I just needed to replace my negative thoughts with positives. Nope! It doesn't work that way. Sure thinking "what if they like it?" is better than thinking "what if they don't?" but I still don't like it. I am still looking for validation from others.

I need to stop looking for validation from others. You need to stop looking for validation from others. Stop right now. Why are you doing that? Aren't you good enough without having to hear it from others? Didn't God create you in his own image? Doesn't he think you're good enough? Yes? So why question him?

Are you trying your best?
Then you are good enough

Are you moving forward?
Then you are good enough

Are you surviving and maybe even enjoying life?
Then you are good enough

Are you struggling and just trying to survive until tomorrow?
Then you are good enough

No matter your situation YOU are good enough.