To the Childless Mother

I am inside my own head a lot. I think a lot more than I speak. I think deeply about things before I share with others. I have a lot to say but I don't always say it. If you have gotten to know me, I may talk too much, but with most people I listen, I watch, I observe. I am not the talker. I am the listener.

If you've ever been in my office you may have seen this quote once before.

Today I feel the need to "talk". I thought about doing a Facebook post but I have way more to say than that so here I am blogging for the first time in over 2 years. I like to blog but I never do it anymore. For a while after my divorce I felt like I didn't have anything of importance to say so I stayed inside my head. In about 2009 is when I started to believe that I was nothing. Nothing I said mattered and no one wanted to hear it. I wasn't important and I was just weird. Well guess what? Everyone is weird and if you think I'm weird then I'm totally okay with that. I am reading this book called "What You Think of me is None of my Business" and I am taking it to heart. In the last couple of months I have changed my ways. I'm kinda smart and when I want to share something from now on, I will, so be prepared. I speak my mind now and it feels wonderful. I also stopped blogging because I'm not the best writer but again, I DON'T CARE. You don't have to read it.

Anyways today's blog has nothing to do with fashion and who knows if my future blog posts will have to do with that. I don't know if I will blog again tomorrow or 3 years from now but today I have something to say.

Mother's Day is one of the hardest days of the year for me. Each year I try to be happy and enjoy the day, but it is hard. I want to be happy so that I don't make my own mother sad, but it is hard. She is wonderful and I hate to see her hurting for me. She is amazing.

Today I choose to feel whatever I am feeling. With my kids at school I help them work on feeling their feelings and then moving on. Not to wallow but to let yourself feel those emotions and learn how to deal with them. Now I'm learning to do it myself.

To all the mothers who don't have traditional children it's okay to be sad. As I sit here teary eyed I understand that pain. I don't have the experiences you do and your situation may be completely different but I understand the emptiness of not having your own child.  It's okay to feel what your feeling but remember that you are still a mother.

To the mother who has lost a child, never had a child, or is desperately trying to have a child. You are a mother. To the single women who may never get married, you are a mother. To any women who has ever cared for a child or anyone really, in any capacity, you are a mother.

To the children who make me feel like a mother every day- thank you. On this day I try to focus on, not my lack of children, but the love I have for many.

To the child who came to me with pills in her pocket and a plan to end her life. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me instead so that I stop the heartache of your mother losing her child.

To the child who came to me when she found out she was pregnant and didn't know what to do. Thank you for trusting me to support you like a mother.

To each child that shares their worries and pain with me. I love you and I am thankful you can trust me like a mother.

To all 400+ children that are in my care each year. The ones that always make me cry at graduation ,because I can't bare to watch them go, but I am so excited for their future. Thank you for letting me love you and care for you for a few short years.

To my wonderful niece and now 2 nephews, thank you for teaching me what it's like to love someone  so much it hurts.

To my Heavenly Father. Thank you for giving me the ability to love so many children unconditionally. Children that are hard and not always easy to love, but for some reason I can.

Our ability to love others comes straight from our Heavenly Father and it is what makes us mothers. Not our traditional children or lack thereof.

Today my heart is full. Full of the heartache of not having my own children. Full of the love I have for all the children who have the opportunity to love. Full of gratitude for this special talent I have to love others.

Whatever you feel today- it's okay. Feel what you need to but remember

YOU ARE A MOTHER